And Then I Started to Cry

When I realized I was alive
now and not then
that I was participating
if only now and again then
that my choice was in every moment
to tap the river rising that is never spent
and that one and every one
freed me forever from when
and then
I started to cry
tears of gold and diamonds
flowers and singing birds
of mysterious earthly elements
in a rain of heaven
meeting firmament
all flung far
brought back to love again
and I knew
the pearl
was the whole green world
erupting through my heart
and then
I started to cry
when I knew
that everything I had taken from myself
was back again
where it never left
that living lives
now
and not then

~AEB