I Earned This Peace

I can’t hold on 

to this lie 

I have been told to believe 

and I tried 

but it never worked out 

I never connected 

I never found 

what I believed and expected 

wanting to be heard 

to be understood 

to figure it out 

to do good 

Obvious things 

it seemed 

and yet 

             it seemed 

they were only dreams 

I am letting go 

out of choices 

jumping from a window 

of the captive voiceless 

I land in my heart 

I find a part 

of the whole beseeching 

incandescence 

without reaching 

I learn 

when I jump 

when I release 

I earn 

the nameless 

the peace 

I earned this peace 

by releasing